We are in the midst of this huge family......

I used to write.  Many years ago.  I'd like to think I was good at it.  Being able to write down what I was feeling gave me such relief from what I was actually feeling.  But years of raising children have pushed to the background any thought I might have given to writing.

But now, I find my heart is no longer able to hold back the anguish it feels.  I am compelled to write for in my writing is the sweet release of the unending, soul-wrenching agony for which the only end to it is, well.... the end.

My mother has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.  Up until now I knew little of the disease other than President Reagan was afflicted with it.  And then Charlton Heston.  Since my mother's diagnosis Glen Campbell has come forth with his own admission and has begun his Farewell Tour.  He now finds it difficult to remember notes and chords to some of his most beloved songs.  This disease is so cruel in its attack.

Saying I knew little of this disease was such an understatement!  In the weeks and months since I learned of my mom's condition I have become acutely aware of how insidious this disease is.  How it slowly robs you of a lifetime!  A lifetime!  How can you live a lifetime of joys and sorrows, health and sickness, births and deaths and then one day not remember any of it?

In thinking back, it probably began much sooner than we remember.  It didn't happen on that one day my mother said to my sister, after having lived with her for 5 years and helping to raise her 4th baby, "Who's taking care of my apartment?"  It was such a shocking question.  Like something just suddenly broke in her mind.  My sister gently reminded her that she had lived with her for 5 years and then called me terribly concerned.  It has been a steady and, much to our surprise and sadness, very rapid descent.